Archive for June, 2009

Reflection (as posted in myspace)

Posted in Thoughts for the Day on June 21, 2009 by The Raven

It has occurred to me recently that life is short, and I don’t mean the blink and you’ll miss it kind of short, but it is in lack of a better word.. Short.. You waste time trying to live up to the expectations of others, to make them happy and before you know it, you’re old and have little time left to do what matters most.. Live to make yourself happy.. But sometimes that’s not always the case.. Sometimes you make this realization when you lose people you know. And I guess this is really where this blog is leading to.

This month is a bad time of the year for me. Two years ago I lost a friend from high school whom I had fallen out of touch with, and it hurts me to say that. She was killed in a car accident and it just was so sudden. You never really expect things like that to happen to people who were so just… Wonderful like her. And when something like that does happen… It just blows you away.. I can still remember the day I found out like it was yesterday.. Hell I spent hours during that one day just kind of blank, I didn’t even cry when I first found out because I was so shocked. And I don’t think it was until I sat down and started drawing that it really ended up hitting me.. I can still remember exactly what I had been drawing too.. I can remember drawing these flowers, one was this odd flower I’d found years ago inside of a magazine, and the others were white roses that my mom had bought me. I remember it was during the time I was drawing the roses that it finally hit me.. She was dead.. She was completely gone. Someone I had gone to school with, someone I’d known and hung out with in study hall… And it just made me break down.. Even now as I type this up I’m teary eyed.. But this is things I need to get out because I know if I don’t it will just make me even more depressed in the end.. Anyone who knew Jessica knew the type of person she was, and while I didn’t know her that well, I did consider her a friend even though we had fallen out of touch over the years. I can honestly say that I do miss her.

Now, this isn’t the only reason why this month is so horrible for me.. About a year ago my cousin who I had been rather close with through school was also killed in a car accident about this time of the month. And it was so hard for me when I found out. Because I knew him better than I knew Jessica, and had known him a lot longer as well. I remember when I found out, I was doing dishes if I remember right- and I say that because this one hit me harder to the point the day was a big blur- though I do remember holding the dish towel in my hands. I can remember calling up Joanna and despite the fact I was trying to calm about it I just couldn’t help it, I broke down while talking to her. So much so I felt sick. It was just such a horrible feeling. When I hung up the phone and went back to doing dishes, I just remember trying to get through them and focus on them so I didn’t have to think about it.. Despite it all I just.. I couldn’t. And something no one but myself knows? I went into a near hysterical crying fit while in the middle of washing our dinner plates. I remember just leaning over the sink, resting my head on my arms and sobbing so hard I could barely breathe. Sure Brian was the type to pick on people because he could, but he was never mean about it, at least from what I had witnessed, he did it out of good fun. But it still didn’t make his passing any easier.

It’s hard now.. Remembering the times I had with the both of them in school. It just seems… For lack of a better term a lifetime ago. When someone passes you always kind of expect to remember everything that you did with them, all the fun times and the laughs.. But sometimes.. You just can’t remember.. It’s almost as though they took some of those things with them when they left, and despite how hard we do try to remember those things sometimes we just can’t. But in trying to remember those things, you’re remembering the people you’ve lost. In a way it doesn’t make it so bad not being able to remember. I guess it almost makes the pain of not being able to think back on those things a little more bearable.

In all of this reflection.. I guess it’s easy to remember just how little time we may have with someone, and how little time we have to tell our true feelings about people. So.. Here and now.. I want to tell each and ever one of you.. I love you. You’re all the best friends a girl could ask for. And since a good 90% of you are people I know, and are related to.. That’s pretty good heh. Keep in mind.. Life is beautiful and even if there are days when everything just seems to suck, remember there are people out there who care for you and will always be there when you need someone- even if they are siblings and they drive you nuts lol.

Life is Beautiful by Sixx:AM

The angels of silence we almost forget we have.
Loved ones who guide us from lives past.
Watching over us in our times of need,
Helping us to remember that there are still
Good things in life.

In time we may forget your smiles.
In our years we may not be able to hear your laugh.
But in the end we will always remember,
The times that have passed.
And in those times you shall live on,
In our hearts and in our mind.

When memories fail,
And all hope is lost,
We’ll know you’ll be there to guide us
Our angels of silence.

Honesty, Sarcasm, and Irony

Posted in Random Musings, Thoughts for the Day on June 20, 2009 by The Raven

Honesty: You’re sick, don’t want to be messed with or bugged.

Sarcasm: Oh you’re sick? Nah I just wanted to know how it felt to say that.

Irony: Regardless.. Idiots still bug you.

Honesty:  That jacket looks horrible on you!

Sarcasm: Oh sure that looks great, if you want to resemble a road cone.

Irony: You love the jacket, but think it looks so much better on you.

Honesty: You’re happy someone did something awesome.

Sarcasm: Yeah.. Woopy doo.

Irony: You wish it had been you lol.

Honesty: I realized I couldn’t remember how Afterglow by INXS went.

Sarcasm: I ‘hate’ the song, no really. I wish it fell into a pot hole and got run over.

Irony: I began to listen to the song and realized, I love this song like crazy and remember all the words. *palm to face*

Honesty: I’ve misplaced something, and know I’ll find it in the last place I think to look.

Sarcasm: No, I didn’t misplace it, I just placed it in a different spot than I normally do.

Irony: It was in the last place I could think of.. Though, I didn’t need to look.

Honesty: I was over the boy band stage after high school.

Sarcasm/Honesty: If I ever like another boy band I’m going to spork myself in the foot..

Irony: I… I like another boy band!! (Sobs)

Honesty: I’m still listening to Afterglow…

Sarcasm: No.. Not my choice, my CD is stuck in my computer and for some reason the repeat function is frozen..

Irony/Honesty: I keep making it replay bwuahaha…

Yeah.. I’m in a strange mood.. I’m restless, can’t sit still and I’m not sure why. I don’t know if it’s because I’m having another bad breathing day or if it’s for another reason altogether. Either way it’s not a good feeling and it’s driving me slowly insane..

Beauty in Unexpected Places.

Posted in Random Musings on June 14, 2009 by The Raven

And as the illness continues to bother me and seemingly continue to grow worse.. I saw one of the most beautiful sights this morning at about 5-6am or so. While wandering through the house– okay so it was more like stumbling– I went out to the kitchen to get some water only to be blinded by the sun shining through the window.  Of course before I went out into the kitchen I looked out my own bedroom window to see if it was cloudy or not to which I was happy to see it wasn’t, but it was however really foggy..

Anyways.. While I was getting blinded I happened to look out across the field and fog to see the sunrise. It was just awesome.. The sun sparkling off the dew on the meadow and the fog hanging in the air making everything look half there.. It made me realize just how much I love watching the sunrise and how much I miss it because I used to watch it every morning before school while I was waiting for the bus to come.. Now I realize as well that not only is it really beautiful, but it comes at a God awful hour!

And that term brings me to the next half of this blog.. “God awful”. What does that mean anyway? I mean… Isn’t God supposed to be great and wonderful? Now, if you know me well enough you’ll likely know that I’m not this super religious type– meaning I’m not a born again, or anything. But that also doesn’t mean that I’m a Hell spawn of Satan like say oh.. Spencer Pratt? Come on now… That man has some iiiiiiiiiissues…  Makes me wonder if he is actually that psychotic all the time, or if he just does it because he is on TV.

I’m sorry, but if you’re supposed to be a Christian, aren’t you supposed to treat people with respect and kindness even if they are treating you badly (or badly in your point of view which seems to be skewed to begin with)? *shrugs* Guess it’s just part of the human condition.. Being contradictory that is. I just don’t get how some can say one thing and turn around and do the polar opposite, makes no sense to me. Then again, I never really did claim to have all the answers, guess that’s what makes life so damn difficult sometimes.

Anyway, guess that’s it for me for right now– unless I come up with something else or someone else to talk about lol. So until one or the other, keep on rockin!

Metal Cures What Ails Ya.

Posted in Random Musings on June 13, 2009 by The Raven

Throw up your rock hands boys and girls, okay so maybe the use of ‘throw up’ is bad considering the circumstances. *coughs*  What can I say? I was never one to really be restrained when it came to using puns. But I’ve noticed that despite the fact I wish I could have been run over by a Mac truck earlier to forget about feeling miserable, the destruction of my ear drums by Slipknot and Dee Snider’s House of Hair has seemed to help me feel a little bit better.

Okay, I can’t give all the cred to metal and rock, because I did do a lot of laughing while watching Paul Blart. Yes that movie is freakin hillarious, and normally I don’t name too many movies as being freakin hillarious but this one is. I mean come on.. Kevin James riding a segway and taking out a bunch of thugs? What’s not to love?!

Anywho… To leave you with a little bit of awesomeness for the day and a little tunage to tap your toes too, I present via YouTube… Dead Memories by Slipknot!

Stupid immune system

Posted in Thoughts for the Day on June 13, 2009 by The Raven

For those of you who know me know that I’ve got asthma and while it normally is under control I still do need to use an inhaler from time to time. As of right now I’ve got what I think is bronchitis that I caught from my dad, and it’s making my asthma flair up and making me feel entirely miserable. I’ve had to use my inhaler more this past week more than I have in the past five years.

But yeah feeling this crummy is making me a little short tempered around some people.  I’m trying not to be lol but damn it’s so hard when I feel like crap. What sucks worse about it is my doctor is only in her office in town on Tuesdays, and if I try to get in, chances are I’m going to have to wait until a week later to be able to have an appointment. Now, it’s not like I couldn’t go to another doctor because I could, but I don’t have insurance nor the money to pay for it (for some reaons) so my options are rather limited as to where I can or can’t go.

Basically I’m stuck like this unless I can by some strange twist of fate can get into the doctor this Tuesday to get looked at. Right now my chest is starting ache from all the coughing and my throat  just is raw. So aside from wanting to sleep all day I’m just wanting to stay away from as many people RL and Online as possible lol. I can’t say it makes me a bad person simply because I really just don’t want to tick anyone off because I’m either not answering them or I just get a teeny bit rude. What can I say?? I’m thoughtful like that lmao.

Re-vamping.

Posted in Thoughts for the Day on June 12, 2009 by The Raven

A nice little play on words if I may say so myself since I’ve a rather strange facination with vampires and all. Now.. As some of you can tell by now if you’re a frequent flier to this blog, it is no longer a gaming blog. I do have a reason for this and it is: I’ve just not had as many chances to play new games lately as I don’t have a ‘next gen’ console much less anyone to game beside anymore since my brother and gaming partner moved.

However I am not going to let that stop me from blogging my silly little heart out about whatever pops into my silly little brain. Now with all of that said and out of the way, keep checking back as I’m still working on making this the best blog I can possibly make it!